Baby, Baby

My baby girl is 9 months old today (sniff, sniff).  It makes me so sad to think of how fast this year is going.  I just want to keep her my baby forever.  She is changing so much every day and I feel like I am missing out on so much with her.  I yearn to be able to be with all of my babies all day every day...it is so hard to have to be a working mother!  I love my job, but I love my kiddos even more.  I feel like I didn't spend enough time with the older two girls that I really wanted to savor every single moment with Haidyn and now, in the blink of an eye, she is almost ONE!!  I look back at this time last year and how we couldn't wait for those last few months before she was born to hurry up and get here so we could meet her and now I wish they would just go away so I wouldn't have to deal with the fact that she won't be a baby anymore.  Although I am excited for her first birthday, I am not excited to see this first year with her end.  I won't ever again be pregnant, give birth, or enjoy the scents of a newborn...and that makes me sad.  I so love having babies and holding them in my arms.  I am sad that the events surrounding Haidyn's birth had to happen and have questioned why they did so many times.  Why couldn't I be one of those women that doesn't have anything go wrong in labor and delivery and can have oodles of children if she wants?  I know the answer is simple...because that is not the plan that God has for my life.  Ok, I get that...but it's soo hard to REALLY get it.  I have told myself that over and over, "The plan I had for my life is not the same as God's plan".  BUT why couldn't God inform me of this before?  Maybe then I could have been a little bit more prepared knowing that Haidyn was going to be my last baby.  Don't get me wrong, I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL that Haidyn and I both are alive...it could have been a very different story were it not for the fabulous doctors and nurses that had a part in saving both of our lives.  And people keep telling me "But you have 3 beautiful children and you should be thankful for that".  Yes I should, and I am, VERY THANKFUL.  But I wanted FOUR beautiful children; I've always wanted FOUR beautiful children.  Why am I not able to have FOUR beautiful children?  I know that I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and think about the women who are not able to have any children or who have lost babies.  I cannot imagine what it must be like for them.  All I know is how I feel about my current situation and even though I can do nothing to change it, I am still allowed to feel this way.  On that note...

HAPPY 9 MONTHS BIRTHDAY HAIDYN GRACE!!!!!!!!  WE LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!!

Basketball

We have been enjoying catching a few games of our school's boy's basketball games.  We decided to go to their section play off game last night against WWG.  It was a pretty intense game.  But they ended up winning!!  So they will play Hills on Saturday in Worthington, which we'll probably go watch.  The older girls of course had red cheeks by the time we left.  They go more for the running around they can do, which brings back memories for me of doing the same thing.  They also like to bring their own money so they can buy snacks.  Whatever floats their boat and keeps them entertained.  Haidyn enjoys the games too!  She just sits and people watches.  Can't wait to cheer the boys on on Saturday!  GO RAIDERS!!